I didn’t take any classes prior to little Bear’s arrival, so I did just about everything the nurses told me to while I enjoyed my stay at the hospital. There is no pun in that sentence…only irony.
About forty-five minutes after giving birth, they handed the little guy to me and said, “it is time for you to feed him.”
Now, I am not one for late-night snacking, so I was a little surprised that it was already time for this little guy to eat. After all, hadn’t we just gotten through some serious trauma together? I was exhausted, my legs were still numb from the epidural, and it was 2:45 a.m. I was ready for sleep, but that wasn’t going to happen for a few weeks.
Unless you actively seek out information regarding your choice to breastfeed, you wouldn’t know that after delivering your precious bundle, you’ve got to get started right away. And the fun doesn’t stop there; expect to feed a little newborn baby every two hours…and that is not from the time that you finish the feeding. Those early weeks, it was not uncommon for my baby to eat at 2:45, 4:45, 6:45…when sometimes he would be done eating at 3:45, 5:45…this would give me just enough time to eat myself in between feedings. Forget trying to do anything else. For a new mom, this may become one of the biggest adjustments; it was for me.
We are five months into this nursing thing and we haven’t had to use formula yet. Some mommies have told me to be proud that I haven’t had to supplement formula. Blame it on naivety, but I haven’t personally found the intersection between pride and breastfeeding. Yet, from birth on into adulthood, no mom is immune to the common practice of mommy-shaming; even the shame that comes with bottle-feeding.
With each generation of new mommies, there is a new trend. In our mothers’ generation, it was a sign of wealth and luxury if you were bottle-feeding your new baby. Perhaps the pendulum is swinging in the other direction because of research, but good ness. There is plenty of propaganda to support the breastfeeding mom, and very little to support bottle-feeding mommies. In fact, I saw a petition to stop formula advertisements in the hospitals. I have seen more women driving themselves loco attempting to continue nursing even when all odds are against them. Workplaces are not exactly the most comfortable place to use a double pump; most employers truly don’t understand how hard it is to get that liquid gold. To be honest, most employers really don’t care.
And why should they? It seems that breastfeeding versus bottle-feeding is like the choice between shopping at Whole Foods or Trader Joe’s: you cannot go wrong. Babies get all of their necessary nutrition from either breast milk or formula in their first year of life. It is my understanding that whether you breastfeed or bottle feed, your child is being fed. I am no expert, but I believe that is the point.
It is my choice to nurse my child. It has worked for us and it is free. This is not as easy for some mommies, and some mommies are not afforded a choice. Their supply runs out and their child self-weans. I talked at length with one of my girlfriends who is a new mom and she made it to four months of nursing before she decided to move to the bottle.
She noted that she felt ‘ashamed’ about the necessity to begin with formula. Her follow-up comment, “I felt even more ashamed to admit this to Christian moms.”
It is heart-wrenching to me that breastfeeding can mix with religion. I liken this particular debate to using medicine versus prayer for healing. I am a firm believer that God is a supreme healer, but sometimes, he provides us with brilliant minds who develop medicine to heal us. God gives us the tools to help ourselves. It is our choice whether to use them or not.
Formula is a tool developed to help us feed our babies. And yet, the cruel irony of it all is that despite my cognizance of the fact that breastfeeding is simply a choice, I feel the unspoken pressure to continue nursing my child. I know the disappointment that would accompany not being able to provide that for my baby. I get it. But why?
Why can’t we just support each other? Why are there women who are almost militant about their choice to breastfeed? Isn’t it just a choice? I don’t care whether you got an epidural or not; I do not care about what you dress your baby in; why on earth would I care about the method that you feed your child?
I may get a lot of pushback in my beliefs. I know the argument; breast milk is better for the baby…it develops all kinds of super-powers. I get it. But can’t we give bottle-feeding mommies a break?
Madison is 4.5 months now and I admit that we are supplementing with some formula and I feel ashamed to share with some people. I pump regularly and she nurses in the morning and night but sometimes I just don’t have enough milk to adequetly supply her. After reading this I guess I’m proud to say we are balancing nursing and supplementing.
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts! I agree – can’t we all just support one another? We moms are doing what’s right for our families, regardless of what’s popular!! I stopped breast feeding at 1 month because I HATED it! I exclusively pumped until 6 months, but started supplementing before that. The day I switched off the pump and packed it up, I was a much happier momma! And isn’t that just as important as the baby’s health?
Great post! I really like how you say it’s our choice. So many moms consider it the only choice. I bottle fed my son. I had pre-eclampsia and my blood pressure never went back down – so I had to start medication right away. Since it was passed through breast milk I had to bottle feed. I felt guilty at first, but when I look back it was just as good of an option. My son is 12 now, has no allergies, is almost never sick (he’s only been on antibiotics a few times – and once was because another child bit him) and I don’t believe he in any way suffered from the lack of breast milk.
Thank you for this! I still after 5 yrs have guilt over formula feeding my son. He is one of the healthiest kids around. You are completely right, it is our choice and we should own it!
It’s great to hear all sides of the story! 🙂 I enjoyed reading the responses to this blog post, because it gives perspective for the choice to bottle feed. We all have a different story to tell. My little boy quit breastfeeding in one day after 11 months of breastfeeding, it broke my heart because I wasn’t ready for him to quit. I am a Lactation Consultant, so I have read a lot of research on why breastfeeding is best. However, I agree that it is important to support every mama and the decision that they need to make for their family. Formula was created to be a great option for feeding your baby, if that is what is needed.